My Therapist

Lord knows I need therapy

This is the issue up until about 14 or actually never I've never told the truth to any of my therapists , except one I was losing it I hit manic depression, and would hear and see things that honestly weren't there not to mention I had beliefs that usually don't personify my temperament... The point is she bothered to genuinely care, always asked if I wanted to drink something and text ed me in my stint at a mental institution to see if I was OK. Honestly because I disappeared. The psychologist before didn't help and honestly not sure if he even cared. I think the one that I have now cares the issue is we don't agree on everything . (OK almost nothing )I'm terrified of trusting her shes not mean, we laugh honestly at times I wish she was my friend I get closer to friends sometimes that'd way she'd know me . I realize my trust issues have so baldy ruined our work and my perspective I'm afraid all she wants to do is med me up and honestly I'm 21 and bipolar and have a personality disorder (she thinks ). Infact sometimes going into her office never brings any good news its like every symptom sometimes can brings a new diagnosis to the point were I don't know what the hell is what or if the terms are all the same. I get home depressed don't eat and sleep for two hours sometimes the visits exhaust me(physically). This wasn't what I envisioned 21 to be . I know she care's I know to some degree she sees pain and she wants to fix it . God cant help you if you don't surrender. The truth is this is the 3rd time I've been diagnosed with bipolar my uncle diagnosed me a second time and someone before that did too it was that or ADHD. Maybe if we prayed before therapy Id want to feel Gods presence. Honestly I want to make sure that I can see a little of what she sees before I change therapist if were not compatible I don't want to waste her time (anymore of it ) . I love her as a person though one of the most amazing people I've ever met very lucky I think I owe her an apologie. Horrible setting though and possibly bad timing.