Chapter 11 Depression and the Music that Soothes the Soul

 I realize I am on a binge the truth is emotionally I am in a allot of emotional pain. The more pain I'm the more I like to hurt myself emotionally because the temporary make me feel in the physical since or even in my the emotional since good . Like cutters who cut themselves to release the rapid pain. I feel in a since dead and alive wondering when will I let my past realise me ? Or will this be an ever battle where I slip and fall and chase my tail looking for the anecdote. The truth is today I looked at my past and all of its dark chapters I wonder how Ive ever came out as "healthy" as I have been but in this binge I hurt more than ever. Like performing an operation on your self one can never succeed without doctors and nurses to help heal and for myself honestly fixing myself is futile. I would have succeeded by now so I listen to music and want to cry its the only thing that soothes at the moment.